here I am, dear blog, just like I said I'd be

And I hope I'm on track to check in with you a bit more regularly now. But you know I really can't make any promises...I'm just not that good at keeping my act together.

Want to hear something that perpetually amazes me? That I have these incredibly intelligent, articulate friends...and they actually want to talk to me. Yeah me. Me, who struggles just to put sentences together. Forget eloquent and insightful. It's a party around here when I can manage coherent.

Case in point, dear blog, this comment from Jason after my last little chat with you:

I've done that with books before - sometimes you reach the end, and it all makes you glad you've read it - like you're a sadder, but wiser person, you know? Other times you get to the end and just feel like you ate too many cookies - like you're sick to your stomach and in retrospect really didn't even enjoy yourself. :/

Seriously, could he have said that any more perfectly?!! No, I think not. (And yes, I do admit to being envious of my wonderful, well-spoken friends like Jason and Ana  for their ability to just grab ahold of these ideas and lay them out there in beautiful fashion. For me these ideas dance around the edges of my mind, seldom coming together with such clarity no matter how hard I struggle to synthesize them. And then I'll read what they have to say, and will be left simply thinking, "Exactly. Yes, that's it exactly.") Anyway, at the time I wrote that last entry, the one that elicited his comment, I was still clueless as to which way it was going to end with Shadow Man. But now having finished the book, I'm happy to say the experience falls in the sadder, wiser category. I won't claim that it's in any deeply profound way. But this book gave me an excruciatingly painful look at some very real human emotions. It's not that I haven't thought about how difficult it must be to live when you spend your time hunting down evil, because I have. But I don't know, this powerful work of fiction somehow made it all so real.

I still don't know if this happened because this book is so very different from other thrillers I've read or if it's because I'm a different reader. I'm guessing it's both. Because I really have changed as a reader. And it's been such a change for the good. And it's thanks to my wonderful book blogging friends. It's not that my nature has changed, or my beliefs have changed...it's just that I've grown. In so many ways. I love the way that reading other people's thoughts about books expands my world. Seriously, my universe seems infinitely larger than it was just a few years ago.

So, ridiculous-sounding or not, I think that I just may have the book blogging world to thank for the intensity of my experience with this book. In the end, I loved it. It was disturbing. It was heartbreaking. It was horrifying. And yet, as Jason put it, it left me "a sadder, but wiser person"...and I can live with that.

And along with the compelling story, and characters that I grew to love, and that unique look at human experience, there were also just these little tidbits that somehow spoke to me. Little tidbits like these:

Jenny is quiet for a few moments after this. When she speaks, it's a single word, but it's filled with everything she wants me to know. "Fuck."

Fuck that, and fuck the world, and injustice, and what happened to you, and your daughter dying, and kids getting killed in general, and fuck it all till it's dead and buried and turned to dust and the dust is gone forever. That's what she's saying.

-----
A large part of being a parent is a constant near certainty that you are screwing it up...

(This was not said as a joke, but in complete seriousness...and with complete seriousness, I tend to agree.)

-----
And, surprise--tears. I thought I was done with them. Maybe it's a good thing. I don't ever want to be unaffected by kindness, whether from strangers or from friends.

 So bottom line, dear blog, I'm going to put this one in the win column.

hello, poor neglected blog

So life just got busy. On top of that, there was this damn reading slump. I figured we'd get together next week...and I'd try to make sure we had coffee together on a much more regular basis. But dear blog, I just had to talk to you this morning. See, I'm reading this book, Shadow Man, and it's really getting to me. It's one of those serial killer, psychological thriller type books. I've probably read hundreds of this type of book over my many years on the planet. But I've never had one get to me like this one.

Yes, it's incredibly intense. It's disturbing. In fact, it's just *too* disturbing. Last night as I was reading, I ended up in tears twice. The first time because of a brutal act aimed at one of the FBI agents, involving his pet. The second because of a packet of horrible, misogynist, ugly rantings printed from the Internet and sent to the FBI agents. But see, the thing is, this ugliness isn't gratuitous...it is a real part of the overall story. And the story is so compelling.

And this book is different from other thrillers I've read in that I'm so invested in the characters. Last night wasn't the first time I've cried while reading this book either. But the first time, I cried because of the internal pain of one of the characters. I'm not sure I've ever done that before. Cried during a book, well, sure. But not during this type of book. Which maybe says something about trying to simply categorize books into neat little categories. As I said, this book is just gut-wrenchingly disturbing...but it's so much more than that.

I feel like I'm being ripped in two...between loving this book and hating this book. I can't explain how that's even possible, but it's true. I have this overwhelming desire to just get this book out of the house...and yet I know that I can't possibly stop reading it now, I just have to know what happens to the characters. I really have to know.

So, is this book really so different from all the other psychological thrillers I've read in the past? Or am I a different reader than I used to be when this type of book was my normal fare? Perhaps it's both.

Anyway, thanks for listening, dear blog. Especially after how horribly I've been treating you lately.

nearly a week's worth...

and it still doesn't add up to much. :P

I finally got back to Last Chance to See by Douglas Adams and Mark Carwardine, and read 91 pages. I hadn't meant to set it aside exactly. But Annie needed to read it for school a few months back, and well, I just never got back to it after she'd finished. Ahhh, but I am so glad to be reading it again--I LOVE THIS BOOK!!! I plan to talk about it when I finish it, because some books just deserve to be gushed over.

I read a scrapbooking book this week--We Dare You: Scrapbook Challenges about Real Life (117 pages). As far as scrapbooking books go, this one is just completely awesome. I've followed "The Dares" for a long time now online. Seriously such fun. And the women who started The Dares and put together this book...well, creative doesn't begin to describe them. They make the most edgy, unique, and meaningful pages. Someday (if--no when--I finally get my scrapbook area back into a useable state) I plan to make my own "Dare" album...I think it will be quite rewarding.

And the other night, after yet another trip to Lowes, Rich and I went to Borders to grab a coffee and relax a bit. And while there, I managed to read Sweet Tooth: Out of the Woods by Jeff Lemire (128 pages). This is the second Jeff Lemire graphic novel I've read this month (the other being The Nobody). I really enjoyed this one, and I can't wait for volume 2 to come out. It's a post-apocalyptic tale (gee, no wonder I loved it, huh?) in which most of humankind was wiped out by some sort of disease. But during the time when the sickness was really wiping people out in massive waves, some children were born. Children who are part human/part some other animal. Children like Gus (aka Sweet Tooth) who sports antlers like a deer. These children appear to be immune to the disease...and well, you can guess what kinds of things that might lead desperate, scared, and sometimes downright evil people to...

And speaking of evil...I started a new thriller. Shadow Man by Cody McFadyen. Whoa. I've only read 97 pages so far, but is this book intense! I'm really loving it--best thriller I've read in a long time. (Of course, I haven't really read all that many in the past couple years.) Anyway, I can see this being a series I actually follow through with. ;)

*****
And in the dangerous world of blog-reading, these books were added to my wish list:

*Rowan the Strange by Julie Hearn (thanks to Amanda's very organized and fun-to-read review :D )
*Crossed Wires by Rosy Thorton (thanks to a second, and still enjoyable, read by Amanda)
*Bellfield Hall by Anna Dean (thanks to the darling Ms Eva's enthusiastic recommendation)
*Twinkle Twinkle by Kaori Ekuni (again thanks to that little book-pusher, Eva)
*The Heart That Bleeds by Alma Guillermoprieto (and yet again, thanks to Eva--three books from one post, sheesh!)
*Hidden Wives by Claire Avery (thanks to Staci's intriguing review)
*The Secret Life of Words by Henry Hitchings (thanks to Ana's wonderful review, which left me both fascinated and hopeful that I will actually understand it)

one done, one abandoned

Finished the last 101 pages of Cross Country last night. Best book ever? Uhh, no. But did I enjoy it? Yep.

And I'm sad to say that I'm abandoning Recycle This Book. I really shouldn't, but I am. I *love* the concept of this book immensely. And honestly, for the most part, I love the little essays, which are for the most part written with great humor. But already I've come across two that have irritated the hell out of me. First, advocating reusing the bottles you buy bottled water in. NOOOOO!!! Please don't tell kiddos to do that!!!! They leach dangerous chemicals like BPA. DON"T BUY BOTTLED WATER TO START WITH!!! Instead use reusable, BPA-free water bottles filled from your tap. Second, the article saying while there is nothing we can do about the methane released when moose belch and cows fart, there are things we as humans can do to reduce our greenhouse gas emissions. Uhhhh, gee, actually there is a lot we can do about cows!!! EAT LESS MEAT!!! Look, I don't mean for a second to tell anyone that they should be a vegetarian--that is a personal choice that everyone has to make for themselves. But I am saying that one of the most important environmental choices we can make is to eat less meat. And learn where our food does come from. The way this particular article was written, the blame for the environmental harm done by "cows" was taken completely away from humans and the way we've allowed factory farming to take over our food supply. So, yes, I'm giving up on the book...because I let it put me in a pissy mood. What can I say...

 Cross Country was the only book I picked up yesterday. Well, picked up to read, that is. (I did do tons of work in the library--we weeded out five huge boxes of books to give to the library book sale.) Read another 92 pages. Somewhat different for Patterson's books. Being one of the Alex Cross series, it obviously features the tough and tender detective, but a great deal of this book is set in Africa. Lots of heartbreaking stuff going on. Heartbreaking because while this book is fiction, the horrors described really do happen there. Every. Single. Day. And this book is really giving me the urge to pick up some more nonfiction. Perhaps I should finally get around to finishing up Africa: A Biography...I've only been working on that book for a year and a half now.

*****
And in the dangerous world of blog-reading, these have been added to my wish list:

*City Chicks by Patricia Foreman (thanks to Jeane's list of awesome finds)
*A World Without Bees by Brian McCallum (again thanks to Jeane's post--oh my, I am so incredibly thrilled to have found Jeane's blogs, but she is going to be murder on my wish list!)

sick days

Seems like one ought to be able to get more read when one is sick. But that damn malaise just goes and ruins everything. What little I did get read, I had to *force* myself to do. 

Finished up the last 140 pages of The Storm in the Barn this morning. Overall, I would have to say I loved this book. I thought the art was gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. Soft, yet expressive. Beautiful, and meaningful, use of color. And I loved the setting--the Dust Bowl. I loved the point of view--life in the Dust Bowl for a young boy. The images and the events of this time are haunting. And they're very, very real. I have just one complaint--I felt the fantastical element of the story was too rushed. It was like there was all this beautiful, well-thought-out background...and then all of sudden we have this super rushed climax. Still, even that, while disappointing, doesn't stop me from loving the book.

Eight pages in Household Tales was all I'd managed. "Aschenputtel" to be specific. My brain just wasn't up for the whole jotting down discussion points and whatnot that come along with reading for school.

Read another 27 pages in Never Tell Him You're Alone. But decided it just wasn't worth my time, so off to the bags for the library sale it went. Sort of proud of myself...I have a hard time setting a book aside with no intention of ever picking it up again. I used to be much worse about it though.

So instead I picked up another thriller to take its place--you know, 'cause I didn't have enough other books started. (I'm hopeless!) I've read the first 214 pages of Cross Country by James Patterson. An Alex Cross novel. For me, this series has gone downhill from what the books used to be. Yet I can't stop reading them. I can't quite explain it, but they fill a specific sort of reading mood--when I want something fast-paced and something that doesn't require a lot of "down time" amidst my reading for thinking about the book. I know there are people who find thrillers "trash," but I find them enjoyable. And what do I care about the opinions of people who feel the need to look down their noses at other people's reading choices anyway, right? :P

And I finished the last 179 pages of Junk Beautiful. Favorite room--the kitchen redo!!! So very much my style--or at least the style I wish I could pull off! :)  And red--just like my kitchen. Of course, their kitchen is about four times the size of ours, and they have a separate dining room while our tiny kitchen has to pull double duty. So, yeah, no matter what I do, our kitchen is *never* going to compare to that one. Anyway, a very fun book.

over the last few days

So, I'm getting a little lazy here...been a few days since I updated. And silly, silly, silly me (which is my polite way of saying "stupid me") has started numerous books in those few days. What can I say--when I made my blame game post on my other blog, I realized I had all these library books to get read. So yeah, I'm sort of reading them all at once. :P

I did finish The Stand: American Nightmares. Graphic. Enough even to catch Rich's attention while he was driving and I was sitting in the passenger's seat reading. But then, the novel has some ugly shit going on, so I guess that's understandable. As I said last time, I'm not really sure how to "judge" it, because I know the novel so well and I think I'm automatically filling in details when they aren't there without even thinking about it. Anyway, I enjoyed it...and will definitely pick up the next installment when it comes out.

I read a couple articles (9 pages) in Urban Farm. A couple of really great articles. One about this incredible lady (the lemon lady :D) who pretty much single-handedly has taken thousands of pounds of fresh fruit to her local food pantries. Fruit that would otherwise have gone to waste on people's fruit trees. Definitely one inspiring woman! And I also read an article about raising chickens in your backyard. I was already determined to do it when we have the ability to move, but damn if this article didn't just make me horribly impatient!

Twelve more pages down in The Biodiversity Crisis. A very short little case study about the decline of coral reefs, the introduction to the third section of the collection (the third section being about strategies and solutions for saving biodiversity), and a very prescient essay taken from Fairfield Osborn's 1948 book, Our Plundered Planet.

And now on to all the library books I was talking about--first up, Get Crafty. I've only read the first 8 pages (the introduction), but I'm already in love. In fact, I may end up having to buy this book. ;)  Jean Railla is just so fun. In the intro, she tells the story of how, being a strong feminist, right down to being a woman's studies major at UCLA, she came to view all things domestic as "bad." She says, "I spent most of my twenties defining myself as a feminist not by what I did, but what I didn't do. I didn't keep house. I didn't get married. I didn't cook very often. I didn't knit or sew." And you know, while I hope that attitude is less prevalent today, it certainly hasn't disappeared. Things happened in her life, and her eyes opened. She no longer viewed domestic activities as "bad." Being forced by a society or culture to stay home and wash dirty diapers and cook meals is wrong, choosing to do so of one's own free will is not. She says, "Don't get me wrong. I am not suggesting that every woman should enjoy knitting and cooking and embroidery. But I am suggesting the we give women's work its props as something valuable, interesting, and important, just as knowing how to build a house, keeping accounting records, or playing basketball is." (Though I do have a problem with her calling it "women's work"! If we could just stop labelling activities as in the realm of "women" or in the realm of "men," we'd be a lot further along towards equality.) Anyway, I haven't even gotten to any of the craft projects, and I'm already thoroughly enjoying this book.

I also started Recycle This Book: 100 Top Children's Book Authors Tell You How to Go Green. Haven't gotten far, just the first twelve pages. I do hope that I can get the boys to read it...though I'm not optimistic that it will be any time soon, as they're both sucked into their current reading obsessions. There was a line in the introduction that totally made me smile. "The next time your mother tells you to clean your room, tell her you will when she helps clean up the atmosphere." That is sooooo something I can hear popping out of Gray's mouth. :)  Anyway, I've only read the contributions of the first few authors, and they've had nothing to offer that we don't already do, but they're fun to read nonetheless. Thus far, they've been written in a very humorous manner.

Also begun is The Storm in the Barn. Read the first 63 pages. I have to say that I'm really, really enjoying it so far. I know both Chris and Staci liked it, but didn't love it...but while it may be too early to judge, I think I might be falling closer to the love category. I didn't realize it was set during the Dust Bowl--a definitely plus for me.

And finally from the library stack, I started Junk Beautiful (21 pages). If I remember correctly, they feature seven room makeovers in this book. I've read the first. And I adore this book! While the room featured in the first chapter is definitely not my style (too flowery formal), I absolutely loved some of the projects they showcased. And I'm eager to get to the next chapter, a room that seems much more fitting my style overall.

Okay, and this may be the dumbest reason ever for starting a book...I was moving some books around on my fiction shelves to put away some new acquisitions. Well, let's just say it appears that I really need to stop with the new acquisitions, because there is just no room! Anyway, I ended up not being able to fit this book, Never Tell Him You're Alone, back where it goes. I figured it was a book I was unlikely to want to keep after I'd read it, so I might as well just read it so I can hand it off to the library book sale or something. Besides, it's been a long time since I've indulged in a thriller, and it sounded like a good idea. ;)  After the first 24 pages, I'm not even sure if I'll end up finishing it (as far as thrillers go, I'm not finding it all that "thrilling" so far)...I'll give it a couple more chapters before deciding for sure.

And finally, I read 4 pages in Household Stories by the Brothers Grimm. "Rapunzel" to be exact. I can't be faulted for starting this though...I'm beginning to prepare for the next school year. But I do have to admit that I'm thrilled to be reading fairy tales again. I don't know why I don't make time for reading them more often, because I just so very much enjoy them!

*****
And in the dangerous world of blog reading, these have been added to my wish list:

*Case Histories by Kate Atkinson (thanks to Campaign for the American Reader)
*The Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters (thanks to the lovely Ms. Ana's review)
*Disrupting Grace by Kristen Richburg (thanks to Staci's poignant and very personal review)